During skates, acquaintance that Bboy know via his volunteer work came across us. WL joking saying Bboy should introduce me to his acquaintance. Anyway the conversation came to a junction where BBoy commented something and I replied "I am not that bad leh" and WL commented and BBoy agreed that "You are lol" . Following, BBoy added the comment "You are fat, told you to slim down".

Hearing this conversation, the reality hits me and my self esteem got a hard hit. Since young, body image have always terrorist me. The social norms of being slim and pretty have haunt me and follows me growing up. This hits me even harden during puberty and worse when it comes to the age of dating and romantic relationship.

Honestly I don't have issue making female friends but for all time, it was only me having crushes and none of these crushes flowers into a romantic relationship. Seeing my close friends getting in and out of bgf, I envy and am jealous. 

1 puppy love who in turn become my best friend boyfriend during lower secondary. Another puppy love cos I admire the guy intelligence. 1 who treated me as a "sister" where we text daily and do spend quite some time together. Bboy friend who I thought was a good potential and the main traits thst attract me to him was his kindness

However, the comment on top actually reveals another face of him and perhaps this is the sign/revelation that I was looking/seeking that just cuts all hopes and seriously remind me not to bear any hopes and face reality.

This hit my self esteem and confidence really hard but I told myself. If I slim down, it is for me and never for another party. It is time I put myself in the first place. If 1 can't accept me for who I am, it is not that bad to be alone. I just need to learn to cope with the loneliness.